Childhood memory 1

I was born and raised as the eldest son of my parents. We were a nuclear family, just my parents and me.
My mother was extremely nervous, suffering from anxiety, neurosis, and neurosis.
She frequently had hysterical outbursts, and my parents often argued.
My father, compared to my mother, was more sociable and a typical office worker, but he wasn’t very good at controlling or leading my hysterical mother, so she ended up taking the lead in the household.
After giving birth to me, my mother’s health deteriorated, and she was hospitalized. During that time, I was left with a nanny during the day. My time with the nanny was generally comfortable, and I don’t have any particularly unpleasant memories.
I don’t know her exact age, but I think she was discharged from the hospital when I was around three years old, and we started living together at home. That was the first time I consciously recognized my mother.
I remember thinking, even as a young child, that a strange person had come to live with us. She was often in a bad mood, completely lacking in motherly or feminine kindness, and often seemed frightening.
She was neurotic, prone to hysterical outbursts, and would scold me for no reason, inflict physical punishment, and even kick me out of the house several times.
My mother herself was filled with anxiety, suffering from social anxiety and adjustment disorder, making her incapable of being kind to her child.
I was never hugged, nor was I able to show any affection.
I believe that growing up in such a mentally unhealthy small family was the root cause and biggest factor in my later development of neurosis, social phobia, and developmental disorders.
If I had more siblings or grandparents living with us, my mother’s negative influence might have been dispersed or mitigated, but as an only child, I think my mother’s overbearing behavior and mental anxiety had a significant impact on me as a child.