I left my first job—having been labeled a “loser” or “failure” due to social maladjustment and bullying—and found myself unemployed. While still employed, I had tried looking for a new job, but I received little positive response; having been held back a year in university, I was considered “old” for someone with only three years of work experience, and my skills were unremarkable. Furthermore, even when prospective employers scheduled interviews, attending them was a major struggle because the appointments were during weekday business hours, and my company made it difficult to take paid leave.
I came to feel that I had three enemies. The first was my parents and my family environment. They raised me in a way that shattered me mentally, leaving me with mental health issues, psychiatric disorders, social anxiety disorder, anthropophobia (fear of people), and neurosis.
The second enemy was myself—specifically, my mental disorders and social anxiety. My psychological and personality makeup did not function properly; my communication skills were impaired, leading to social maladjustment. The third enemy was the real world itself, which I perceived as rife with unreasonableness, intimidation, and bullying; I felt that, given the toxic nature of society and the world, my parents’ abnormality was perhaps inevitable to some extent.
Facing financial hardship due to unemployment, I spoke with my parents and decided to move back home, even though they had opposed both my resignation and my return. I, too, had no desire to return to the family that had caused my mental illness, but having nowhere else to go, I moved back. Once home, fearing that my mental conditions—including social anxiety disorder—would worsen, I kept interaction with my parents to a minimum, spent most of my time secluded in my room, and began a life as a NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training).
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