The title of Chapter 9 is “The Self-Reducing Solution—Seeking Love.”
Those who choose the self-reducing solution place extreme emphasis on and prioritize “submissiveness to others,” seeking security through “being loved, accepted, and needed by others.”
In the self-reducing type, pride, aggression, and assertiveness are thoroughly suppressed.
Assertion is considered arrogant and selfish and is prohibited.
General strength and competence are not valued; instead, contributions to others and goodness are emphasized.
When something goes wrong, there is a tendency to blame oneself, leading to self-blame.
They tend to view themselves as powerless and vulnerable, seeking sympathy and protection from others.
Being liked and loved by others is of paramount importance, and it is through this that they feel their self-worth.
This type of “should” includes standards such as “I should always understand and support others” and “I should not assert myself and should behave in a conciliatory manner.” When they feel they cannot meet these standards of “goodness,” they are struck by panic or depression.
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