Why did I develop social anxiety disorder (social phobia) and other related issues around high school age, and suffer from them for decades?
It’s not like a healthy person suddenly contracting a disease and developing symptoms. Rather, I believe I was originally raised with what Horney calls a neurotic personality structure (basic anxiety, and neurotic mechanisms to cover it: the pursuit of glory, neurotic pride, neurotic demands, egocentrism, neurotic fantasies, etc.). The contradictions and anxieties that could no longer be covered by the anxiety disorder personality structure (Horney’s neurosis) manifested as symptoms.
I’ve lived with this anxiety disorder/neurotic personality for so long that I don’t really understand the internal sensations of a normal, more mentally healthy person, but I do feel that there are many differences.
I think I was already somewhat broken even before the symptoms appeared.
In Horney’s words,
“…Needless to say, the outward appearance of such a person is completely unreliable. They suddenly develop agoraphobia or functional heart disease, bewildered by their own condition, and wondering how this happened. They have always lived perfect lives, been leaders in their classes, organizers in the world, and exemplary spouses and parents. Yet, inevitably, a situation arises that they cannot handle in their usual way. However, because they know no other way to cope, they lose their mental balance. When an analyst becomes close to such a person and realizes they are acting under extreme tension, they are rather surprised that they had managed to get by without significant problems until then…”
(Quoted from Neurosis and Human Growth, Chapter 3, The Tyranny of ‘Shoulds’)
Horney’s greatness lies in his revelation that, despite the diverse characters and symptoms of mental health disorders, there is a common structure and operating principle/mechanism among them.
To use a physics analogy, there are many different kinds of matter, but when you study their interiors, you find that they are all made up of common electrons, protons, and neutrons. The way these atoms combine creates diversity, but at a deeper level, they operate on common elements, principles, and mechanisms. I think it’s similar to that.
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